Why Is It SO HARD to Make Friends in Denmark?

According to the latest surveys, Denmark is the second-hardest place for expats to make friends in the whole world. Only Kuwait is worse. If you would teleport from Denmark to basically any other country, you would have an easier time making friends there.

I can confirm this is true. I’ve lived and traveled across most of the world, and then also spent most of the past twelve years in Denmark. It’s beyond doubt that in Denmark it’s f** hard to make friends in comparison to the rest of the world.

BUT - Hard is not impossible, and today I’ll tell you three reasons why it’s so complicated and then five things you can do right now to still have a thriving social life in Denmark.

Reason #1 - Reserved Culture

Let me start with a story.

I did group yoga classes a few years back, and nobody - literally nobody - spoke with each other before or after the class. I thought this would be like that because of the “meditate” vibe of yoga, but I’m now taking my kids to swimming classes and it’s the same. NOBODY socializes.

Even - I remember in yoga trying to start a short conversation and people were like - “What’s wrong with that guy?”

This, of course, doesn’t apply to every single activity but it’s still a kind of the norm.

Danes are very reserved. This can come across and absolutely feel like coldness or aloofness. And it makes it very hard for expats to break the ice and establish connections with the locals.

Danes tend to form close-knit circles and are not as open to meeting new people in comparison to those from other cultures. Danes prefer to socialize in those type of intimate and cozy settings and it will be difficult - if not impossible - for newcomers to break in into the existing social groups.

Most of the times, you’ll need to build a new social group.

Reason #2 - High-Trust Society

Denmark is a high-trust society. Denmark consistently ranks as one of the world's most trusting countries.

While I see this as an absolutely positive quality, it can also create a barrier for newcomers trying to form connections.

Danes tend to be more cautious when getting to know new people, and it takes time for them to build trust with someone they've just met.

For many expats, this process can feel painstakingly slow and frustrating, making it harder to develop friendships quickly.

Thing is, once you have developed that trust - it stays, and you could count on a Dane to have your back and believe in you, much more than you would do with a new friend back home.

Reason #3 - Language Barrier

Look - Everyone in Denmark speaks English. But, nonetheless, if possible Danes prefer to speak their own language with their friends and family.

It’s always odd if there are four guys who speak Danish and they need to switch to English because of you. While most Danes will do this out of politeness, the language will be a barrier for you integrating.

So far, so good - it’s the same if you would go somewhere else. The Polish will prefer to speak Polish, or the Mexicans Spanish.

What makes Danish incredibly hard is that - many times - even if you SPEAK Danish, people will not want to speak Danish with you.

I speak Danish fluently myself, but you can obviously tell that I’m not a native. But even now, there have been cases where I start to speak to someone in Danish, then they answer in English, I keep talking in Danish, they came answering me in English. I’m like, WTF - It’s super annoying.

BUT — Despite this headwinds you can still have a thriving social life in Denmark. Let’s go through how, from easiest to hardest.

Also - Before we start, you should subscribe to the channel, as I post videos like this every week.

Action #1 - Make Expat Friends

Yes - I know, you’re in Denmark, but if you want friends and a social life fast, don’t socialize with the Danes and focus on Expats.
This is especially true if you come for work, meaning that you need to build social circles from scratch. It’s likely that your expat colleagues will be the best ones to start, and checking other expats groups, and so on.
I’m going to get into the more tactical points in a minute, but let me stress it again: if you want fast friends, focus on other expats.
There’s a big drawback to this though: many expats leave. I had most of my best expat friends leave Denmark after a time, and that kind of sucks. It’s a solid proposition but for long-term it can’t be the only one.

Action #2 - Be Where Action Is

Look - If you’re living in Herning or Sønderborg or any other small city and working there - I’m sorry for you. You’re going to have a miserably hard time making friends unless you put heroic amounts of effort.
It’s the same if you come to Copenhagen and end up working in a small company and have mostly Danish co-workers.
It doesn’t need to even be a small company. I worked in Carlsberg Denmark for almost two years and made zero friends. And not for a lack of trying. The team and company you’ll pick will make a big difference.
After that miserable experience in Carlsberg I specifically picked my old Maersk job because I knew the team was full of young, ambitious and international-minded people. I immediately made a ton of friends that I keep to this day. It was super fun.
So, context matter - go where with the action is. If you really want friends, prioritize that over maybe even a higher pay-check.

Action #3 - Join Activities & Clubs

I’m lucky that I came to Denmark to study my Masters. University is an easy and fun place to make friends. I had the time of my life those two years of the studies. Super fun.
But then, since then and ever since, I specifically joined groups or organizations that were highly social. (Also because I wanted a cute girlfriend, let’s be honest). So I joined, among others:
- AIESEC and Other Student Organizations - And that’s where my oldest Danish friends are from, and again we made a big group
- The Choir - I can’t sing, but, hey, they needed boys, there were like 50 friendly girls, parties all the time, so, of course I joined the choir
- Entrepreneurship Club - I had my startup as well, and joined the local startup hub, went to startup events, volunteered to startup projects
This, of course, demands a lot of time. But it works.
In the past years, I also did improv theatre and also made a big group of friends and had a lot of fun. I’ve friends that got into climbing and cross-fit and got the same good vibes.
You just need to be out there and look for activities where there MUST be socializing. As I told you before, yoga and swimming won’t work.

Action #4 - Learn Danish

In all cases, if you’re planning to stay in Denmark, get your act together and learn Danish.

MOST PEOPLE will appreciate it. It will make it easier for you to socialize, there’s absolutely no doubt about it. Zero.

Crucially, speaking Danish will also allow you to participate in more activities. If you’re into art classes and the like, or niche activities where it’s mostly Danes and not-expats, learning Danish will allow you to participate AND make friends.

Plus, it’s not that hard to learn Danish to a proper degree. Speak like a Dane it’s going to be damn hard, but to speak fluently enough is alright. I made a guide on the approach I used, linked below.

Action #5 - Play the Long Game

If I could summarize the whole spil: it’s not impossible to make friends in Denmark, it just takes 10x more the effort than in other places.

If you don’t have friends in Denmark is because you didn’t put in the effort. Period.

Again, play the long game. Danes are nice, high-trust people. If you put in the effort, show your value, learn their language, adapt to the culture, of course you’ll have a thriving social life.